


Oh, there you are.

by Fictropes



Series: 25 fics advent [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Introspection, M/M, based on phil's closet videos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27656959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: So after all this, after everything, he doesn’t think anything of it when someone else slips into his dms.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: 25 fics advent [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022262
Comments: 39
Kudos: 132





	Oh, there you are.

**Author's Note:**

> ok ! hi! I wanted to do advent this year so i am starting it early cos my work schedule the 10 days leading up to christmas is literally insnae. the goal in 25 fics in 25 days... but no promises lol. here's the first instalment !

There’s something about human loneliness that makes you desperate, makes you cling onto the moments that, in reality, mean nothing at all. 

It’s falling in love with people who spare you one second of attention, it’s having your heart sink when you realise it’s not like _that._ The hope is hard to surrender, the hope is what Phil clings onto every single time— to give that up would be a heartbreak in itself.

It feels as though he’s spent his entire life trying to find the other half of him, the one who he can sneak away with into corners, the one who gets _everything_ he is. There’s something about watching those around you fall in love, those around you kissing at parties when you’re stood alone with only a party hat for company. 

He thinks maybe if he gives up it’ll come to him, if he stops giving his heart aways so easily it’ll hurt less. He tries and he tries and he fails. He slides into seats next to people who look at him a certain way, he flirts and is only met with awkward silence, he gives and only gets more loneliness in return. 

He thinks trying is the problem. Trying is knowing, and knowing someone doesn’t want you is sort of.. worse than just not trying at all. 

Not that he thinks he’s entitled, not that he thinks everyone in the world should _want._ It’s just, at this point, it feels like no one does. An entire world full of people and he sometimes feels like he’s stood up on the moon watching people have fun without him. 

So after all this, after everything, he doesn’t think anything of it when someone else slips into his dms. When a pretty boy sends him nice words, acts in a way that could resemble flirting. He doesn’t think, but he does hope. Hopes maybe this time it’ll be a two way street and that, even if it’s brief, it’ll still be _something._

He’s eager and sweet and too, too much for Phil to grasp all at once. He’s a constant, always there in his inbox, always ready and willing to talk.  It’s a lot to take in, it’s something Phil has always wanted and now it’s here he barely knows how to handle it. 

He replies and he replies and he replies. Always there to give Dan an answer, even though sometimes he thinks his answer isn’t good enough. He’s waiting for the day Dan realises it’s not really worth his time, to wake up one day to a message left on read. 

The days never comes, though, the more they talk the more comfortable Phil gets with it all. He stops thinking about all his past failures, all his never were’s, can only think about the now. Can only think about this boy with his lack of any filter, this boy who’s so goddamn willing to be loved. 

And Phil is willing to love, willing to open up his heart for the one who has managed to make it feel so fucking full. 

People make comments, ask Phil why he’s always so busy staring down at his screen and missing out on the world. Phil always just shakes his head, offers a smile that doesn’t really mean anything— he wants to tell them his world is on his phone. The world he wants to live in, the world where his love is reciprocated is in his hand— and who can blame him for barely straying away from it? 

It gets to a point where he forgets what the bitter sting of rejection actually feels like, it’s a hard thing to remember when someone is accepting you with everything they have. 

Phil is his weird, stupid self and Dan embraces it all. He’s loud, so goddamn loud about it all— in private, in public, in the comments of all of Phil’s youtube videos. Phil gets it, after a while, Dan’s _proud._ Proud that he was the one to get Phil, to get him in both the sense of having him and the sense of understanding him— _I get him and everything he is._

Phil soon learns that everything was leading up to this, that not one single person in his past could live up to Dan and how he can make Phil feel. In an odd way he’s glad that none of them worked out, couldn’t imagine not being with Dan and instead being with the guy off the train, the guy at the party— any guy from any where. 

He still feels like he’s on the moon, but this time it’s with Dan stood beside him making comments about how small everyone looks down there. Because they feel _big,_ their love feels huge and massive and _more_ than anyone else’s. 

Their love is stood up on the moon, staring down at the love on earth and thinking that it can’t possibly match his and Dan’s. 

He feels smug about it, _allows_ himself to feel smug about it. Let’s the thoughts of _i’ve met the love of my life this time_ take over, no longer needs the hope when he has Dan hugging him on a train station platform. 

He think it’s an awful lot like like being on a rollercoaster— the worlds fastest one. There are twists and turns, but at the end of it Dan is still always there. 

**Author's Note:**

> [if you wanna reblog on tumblr i always appreciate it!](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/635411292402941952/oh-there-you-are-complete-903so-after-all-this)
> 
> as always, lemme know your thooooughhts.


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